July 21, 2009
Dildos: An Imitation of the Male Penis?
As a mostly woman-identified queer person, I have at several points battled internally with the idea of using dildos for partner sex. Identifying as a lesbian places one in a very unique place with regards to heterosexism.
Upon coming out, early lesbian friends of mine shunned the dildo as a representation of the male penis. “If I wanted a penis, I could have the real thing,” they chided. Upon further analysis, however, I found this to be a very androcentric and problematic statement.
Havelock Ellis, a nineteenth century sexologist, originated the idea that lesbian sex, especially with the use of sex toys, was an imitation of heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex. This androcentric analysis places an extraordinarily higher value on the penis versus the vagina, with emphasis on imitation rather than pleasure.
Without a doubt women can experience sexual pleasure from sex without the involvement of a penis. I propose then that dildos are not by default phallic representations, nor in contrast are they necessarily yonic. They are, in their purest form, merely instruments of pleasure.
I’ve never seriously wanted to be a man. Sure, I think it might be fun to try. Sure, I sometimes wish I could gain the privileges that come along with being born into a male body. But overall I am content with the biological sex into which I have been born and the gender which I choose to present. I don’t think that my use of sex toys threatens either of these things in any way.
July 2, 2009
Top Five Most Wanted: July Edition
1. Treeze Ribbed by Don Wands – It’s a wood vibrator. Oh my god. OK, I’ve never used a wooden toy, but I’m sure it’s awesome-tastic.
2. Melody by California Exotics – OK, I don’t generally like California Exotics products. I don’t generally like “rabbit” vibrators. Still, there is something captivating about this one. Maybe because it’s so unlike what I think of when I think California Exotics. Made of 100% silicone.
3. Beyond Euphoric by Jimmyjane – This is not a toy, per se. It is a fancy schmancy lotion made by a sex toy company containing beta endorphins, yum yum!
July 1, 2009
Book Review: Good Vibrations Guide to Sex
What is it?
The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex is a 300+ page mega resource of sexual knowledge from the Good Vibrations company.
Who is its target audience?
All people who are even remotely interested in sex. It deals with sexual issues of males, females, young people, seniors, people with disabilities, sexual assault survivors, and everyone in between. The book is written in a way that is humorous and accessible while still providing a ton of information. Did you know that vibrators were invented in 1869 to treat “hysteria” in women, which was thought to be the womb’s reaction to sexual deprivation. Doctors would use the vibrators to produce “hysterical paroxysm”, known today as an orgasm.
How is it laid out?
The book is separated into 20 chapters, each with several subsections. The chapters are:
1. About Good Vibrations
2. Sexual Self-Image
3. Sexual Anatomy
4. Sex Over a Lifetime
5. Communication
6. Masturbation
7. Lubrication
8. Creative Touching
9. Oral Sex
10. Vibrators
11. Penetration
12. Dildos
13. Anal Toys
14. Fantasies
15. Books, Magazines, and Videos
16. World Wide Web
17. S/M and Power Play
18. Where Sex Toys Come From
19. Safer Sex
20. Censorship
These chapters are sprinkled with illustrations, the most helpful being a comparison of aroused and unaroused vulvae, circumcised and uncircumcised penises, and how to put on a condom.
Is it queer-inclusive?
Good Vibrations has been diligent about including queer sex issues in this volume. The illustration of fellatio, for example, shows two men instead of a heterosexual couple. Similarly another image shows two women using a double dildo, which appears to be the Nexus. The book also lists many good resources for queer people and touches on using toys for gender expression.
What is the quality of the information?
There is a lot of great information contained within this book, with the only real glaring error I could find being the suggestion of wearing two condoms at once, which is a very unsafe idea. Besides this statement, the rest of the safer sex chapter is exceptionally well written.
What about toys?
This book is several years old but gives a nod to some classic favorites such as the Hitachi Magic Wand, Rabbit Pearl, Wahl, Eroscillator, Nexus, Fleshlight, and the Tristan anal plug. It refers to cyberskin as one of the “latest” innovations in sex toys. It has helpful information about the maintenance of sex toy materials and unique ways to use these and other similar toys.
Is it worth it?
Absolutely. I don’t think this book was intended to be read cover-to-cover, but it is a well organized go-to manual for many sexual questions or new ways to spice up your sex life.
 Book by Anne Semans / Cathy Winks
Format: Paperback
Publisher: Cleis Press Inc. |
June 29, 2009
Sex Toy Review: Orion Bottle Rocket by Evolved
The Orion is an amazing discreet vibrator from Evolved Novelties. Orion is my second Evolved toy, and I was very impressed by it. I loved the wide ribbing and the compact size, as well as the fact that it was made of a body-safe plastic.
Read my full review here.
June 26, 2009
Confessions of an Ex-Catholic: Sex and Guilt
Religion and mainstream media have ingrained in us very disturbing attitudes about women and sexual pleasure. If we as women like sex too much, we’re slutty and whorish. If we don’t want to have sex or don’t enjoy the sex we’re having, we’re uptight, frigid bitches.
It has also been taught to us that we are not the focus of sex. For many of us, receiving pleasure is a source of guilt–what if the other person isn’t enjoying this? Do I look OK? Do I smell OK? Does my partner like the sounds I make? And, of course, am I taking too long?
A quick internet search produced a ton of results of women who were afraid they were taking too long. One even said her partner rarely tried, and she didn’t blame him. This attitude is pervasive even in women who have sex with other women. Our roles as pleasers of others too often come before our roles as recipients of pleasure.
Many women are not just not having orgasms though, they are going a step further by faking it. An article in Slate reports that 72% of women have faked it in their current or most recent relationship. Still more have likely faked it at least once in their sexual histories. What causes faked orgasms though? I speculate that it is a combination of guilt about the time we’re taking and an unwillingness to hurt our partners’ egoes. Faking it allows us to avoid confrontation, but hinders us from getting what we want.
I wish we could free ourselves from the cycle of sexual guilt and dissatifaction. It’s obvious that attitudes need to change, but how do we go about making those changes?
June 23, 2009
Sex Toy Review: Swirled G by WHK GmbH
Recently I reviewed the Swirled G glass dildo by WHK GmbH. This glass dildo has an oblong base which makes a great handle and has a nice, subtle curve for G-spot or P-spot stimulation. I loved the swirled that twisted around the length of the toy, which felt amazing. I also loved the price point of this toy. Glass can be very expensive, but this one comes in at an easy-on-the-wallet $25.
I took issue with a feature I dislike about a lot of dildos, in that I felt it was overly phallic. I prefer toys that are sexy, artistic, and female-centric. This one is a little more generic looking, but still very functional. Overall, still a pretty great toy.
You can read my full review here.
Sex Toy Review: Bandito by Fun Factory
Last week I reviewed Bandito, a harness compatible and suction cup based dildo from Fun Factory. I thought Bandito had an amazing G-spotting curve and loved the fact that I could use it in a harness. It is also made of Fun Factory’s famous silicone, which is my favorite because it’s so incredibly soft.
My one complaint is that it’s a little more phallic than I typically prefer. I would have preferred something without the pronounced “head” that Bandito is designed with. Overall, however, I think this toy is fabulous. I wish it came in more colors, because I don’t like purple and, as my partner put it, the black looks somewhat alien. Still, another excellent find from Fun Factory.
Read my full review here.
The Anatomy of Desire 